What makes a relationship strong?

Men like to think they're the best and the first in a woman's life. Women like to think she's the last and forever love. Men and women go into relationships with expectations, illusions, emotional baggage and control issues.

Being in relationships is like being in school because you learn a lot of lessons. You think you're falling in love, but you really fall into reality. If you get into a relationship too soon, too needy, too young, too wrong or too controlling, it's not going to last.

Try to keep your eyes and ears open. Don't ignore the warning signs that say "This is not the one" or "he or she is not ready or mature or available or compatible."

Love yourself first. Learn to appreciate and enjoy your own solitude. Lust and impatience can cause you to choose the wrong mate. Don't wear that popular perfume called "Desperation."

"An African proverb states, "Before you get married keep both eyes open and after you marry close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves AND differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, daily exchanges, a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, sharing common goals and interests, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure, giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment, asking God to be the center of your relationship.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replaces the passion.